Newsflash: a secret project for the 2020 presidential campaign
Since you’ve been my faithful readers from the time I began blogging in September, I will let you in on a secret heretofore undisclosed to any of the liberal elites and certainly not to the long suffering white men in the rust belt.
Only a tiny handful (of one) is privy to this project, so I beseech you to keep it private until at least the next Democratic Convention. Should you breach your promise, you’ll jeopardize the chances of sanity regaining the reins of the United States of America, which at the moment are very far from united.
You see, the idea for this project has been born both out of desperation and out of the recognition (which a few prescient ones had way before this fiasco unfolded) that it is a singularly bad idea to run a presidential candidate that has a history and a record of doing anything. Now, I’ll admit that this concept doesn’t apply to bullies who have a way of erasing history. It does, however, apply to most normal humans intending to seek leadership positions.
The 2016 female candidate was the perfect example of someone with a long history and record of public actions, positions, speeches and pronouncements. Hence she was ripe for the rape. Every word, every action, every step, every breath could be torn apart, analyzed, criticized, recast, secrets penetrated. She could be raked over the coals for every good deed (getting health insurance for poor children) and every bad deed (yes, the e-mails!)
Thus the secret project was born. Its creators and overseers are in protective custody of the Russians (not by the FBI!), who as we all know enjoy having a role in our elections. Though I haven’t been told, I suspect the project is secreted in approximately the same location as the Manhattan Project, a truly fitting parallel given the need for vast financial support needed.
I have it on excellent authority (yes, a leak, but from a senior staffer) that three human specimens are being cloned in this secure location. One is a white woman, the second, black and the third, a Latina. They will be on an accelerated growth path and spend the four years getting a modicum of education, as the American public is not overly hung up on erudition in its candidates.
When the time comes, the three will engage in a gladiator style competition to determine which one is a better specimen to excite the imagination of the masses. There will be a number of competition rounds: swimsuit, extemporaneous easy quips, and wrestling down hateful media representatives. Judges will also determine which one has maintained the slimmest body and prettiest face. Of course, all will have to show great charisma and be top candidates for reality TV.
The winner will become the 2020 democratic candidate for president. There will be no old skeletons in the closet to expose, no husbands to indict, no mistakes to drag out and there won’t even be emails because in the laboratory the clones will not have had access to computers, or cell phones, or any Wi-Fi devices. And this fresh, virgin, clean-as-a-whistle woman will win because standing next to the exhausted reigning “leader” she will look full of energy (her private parts will be covered by an invisible shield…just in case) and she’ll promise to make America greater. Certainly, if it is possible to make America great, she can make it even greater.
Annette Libeskind Berkovits is the author of In the Unlikeliest of Places: How Nachman Libeskind Survived the Nazis, Gulags, and Soviet Communism published in September 2016 by the Wilfrid Laurier University Press.
You are invited to visit her website: www.annetteberkovits.com
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